One year ago today, on April 11th 2019 – I got that dreaded phone call “its cancer”. The weeks leading up to this call throughout the ultrasounds and stereostatic biopsies, I tried so hard to convince myself that cancer or not I would be fine either way when I got the call. I was not fine when I got the call. I have never cried so hard, or for so long in my life. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, I even had crazy thoughts such as “are we sure these are MY results?”, “surely this is a mistake”. As many of you know within a few days I felt that it was my calling to share my cancer story to the best of my abilities through social media outlets and speaking at public cancer events when invited. I learned throughout the first few months of my first cancer diagnosis, that there is much needed patience and prayer as the puzzle pieces ever so slowly come together. I also learned very quickly what an advantage my clinical pharmacy background had in the kind of treatment I would soon receive. The ability to advocate for myself would become a passion of something I want to try to continue to do on the behalf of others who undergo similar paths of treatment.
Laughter is the best medicine. Photo By: Rich Royster
I have thought about the one year mark since my cancer diagnosis a lot. I wondered if I would be angry every year on April 11th, if I would find it harder to catch my breath, or if I would be overwhelmed with sadness. In my head I came up with so many ideas for things we could go do today in order to keep my mind off of it all. This day looks a lot different than I thought it would. Originally, back when I thought that April 11th 2019 would be my only time diagnosed with cancer – I thought today I would have a huge party with a bunch of friends and finally pick a date for my first tattoo to celebrate almost a year cancer free. Instead, I find myself quarantined at home with my husband, fighting through my 3rd day, post my first chemo infusion. Am I sad? No, I actually feel luckier than ever to feel good enough to sit here and write more of my story.
It is not lost on me that today, my first cancerversary fell between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. I can not imagine what today day felt like so many years ago. The immense sense of loss hope, devastation, sadness that such a bright light had been lost to this world. But, then comes Easter, and we know that it was the plan all along. That such a horrendous crucifixion lead to such an unimaginable resurrection. This verse has stuck with me throughout the last year. I hope that it helps bring some thought and joy to you as well.
Romans 8:11 “If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.”
This past year has had its ups and its downs that is for sure. I have undergone two rounds of ultrasounds and biopsies, two rounds of MRIs and pet scans for diagnostics and staging, three surgeries on my chest, started hormone therapy including monthly injections, as well as chemo therapy with radiation therapy still yet to come.
I had my trust in the processes ripped apart when I realized the cancer that had almost no chance of coming back, came back with a vengeance in January.
But more than the broken trust, or fear, I have become so much stronger in my faith. I have made SO many friends both in the USA as well as other countries who are also battling some type of cancer and have found my story via social media. I have received advice from many women who have stood where I stand now, and have had the opportunity to give advice to many others. I have never felt so connected to what is truly important in life and what truly matters. I continue to keep my head up, and know that as Roman 8:11 states, the spirit lives in me.
The most important part of this blog post, is taking a moment to say thank you to everyone. As you read this you know who you are. The amount of support I have had from both people who live near and far over the past year has been staggering. Thank you so much to each family member and friend who has listened to all my worries and frustrations and given me a shoulder, or two, to lean on when I needed it this past year. To each of you that were a part of “TEAM SAMBO” and helped my family raise over $10,000 for the American Cancer Society. To each of you that randomly send a card, text, or meme to make me laugh or let me know you are thinking about me. For the never ending amounts of food you have prepared for me, and gifts you have sent me that make me feel so loved. Lastly, and most importantly, for the abundance of prayers that I have received on my behalf in which I believe God is obviously listening.
Happy Cancerversary to me
Happy Cancerversary to me
Happy Cancerversary to meeeee
Happy Cancerversary to me
With much love, Sami
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