I am learning that the 11th of each month carries a different weight now.
Today marks 2 months since I was diagnosed with breast cancer (April 11) – in some ways I feel that shock and fear like it was yesterday, in other ways it feels like that must have been at least a year ago!
In the two months I have been so blessed to undergo a successful double mastectomy – and already undergone much of my tissue expansion with expanders to prepare for my second surgery (silicone implants). I also have had follow up with chemo and radiation oncology and learned that I will not undergo radiation, hormone therapy for at least 5 years is a must, and chemo is also an option and that it would make must of the doctors sleep better at night.
In the next few weeks I will solidify my personal treatment plan – and what is right for me 🙂 this plan looks different for every single cancer patient and I will continue to state this as long as I write blogs because I think it is so important for everyone to understand.
During the recovery from surgery and follow up appointments a lot of my time has been taken with things I never imagined. Walking my hand up a wall… figuring out how to reach things in my kitchen…how to open and close heavy doors …. ugh how to sleep on my back… HOW IN THE WORLD TO PUT MY HAIR UP IN A PONY TAIL ?! … and waiting and waiting for returned phone calls for follow up appointments.
But, more importantly during not only those moments but also every day of the last two months I have learned more about myself than I knew over 28 years!!
There are some incredible things cancer has taught me and while I hope you NEVER get diagnosed with any type of scary disease – I do hope you have the opportunity to reflect and feel the peace of truly knowing yourself.
Note of thanks that cancer taught and/or reassured me:
You pray and hope that you truly trust in God and his plan for you – you will, so much so that you will surprise yourself with the sense of peace you will feel within days of your diagnosis even before you know what the whole journey will encompass.
Your husband adores you and loves you unconditionally – there is no faltering in Justins vow of in sickness and in health. The amount of patience and continued outpouring of love and encouragement is unimaginable. You’ll be more in love each day of this journey.
Your family is amazingly supportive and loving – it is easy to support all the good things in life, but family will lift you up and shower you in love from the first hours of diagnosis all the way through.
You have a large circle of friends that you love dearly and they would do anything for you. Words can not describe all the amazing things so many friends will do for you throughout just 2 months of this journey. You’ll become even closer to so many of them, hear from ones you’ve missed and stay better in touch, and make a whole lot of new ones!
You really are obsessed with working out – you’ll miss it like crazy and this recovery phase from surgery will make you appreciate every walk and workout you’re able to get in.
It’s hard to know what you really love and want for your time until it’s all up in the air. After the “cancer” diagnosis each day you can actually wake up more happy and grateful than ever before. It’s also no longer hard to chose what to put on the to do list, or decide between two events or activities. You’ll learn more than ever to follow your heart, and be present in the moment.
You like to say you’re tough – you are! 🙂
The heavy weight of a cancer diagnosis won’t change your light heartedness, or ability to find joy in almost any circumstance. You’ll still be able to get completely lost in your projects at work, shriek with happiness over a home run, and obsess over all the men on bachelorette – promise.
For me personally, the scariest part of being diagnosed with cancer was the fear that it would change who I am. I didn’t want it to steal any part of my personality (the good or bad parts). But, it’s two months after diagnosis and two weeks back at work – in a position I am so passionate about, and I sit here working on my MBA, trying to finish this post before the Bachelorette starts… while I cook pizza in the oven. Cancer is an asshole and tricky and scary to try to treat and beat, it can be something easily obsessed over. But even with all of that – I can’t pretend that it hasn’t made me a better all around person, actually more of the girl I always wanted to be. I know each day since I associated my name with it – I choose to be more grateful, happy, and to live life even fuller because of it.
Until next time,
Sami
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