I rather be bald.

As all of you following my journey know, I have completed 2/4 cycles of TC chemotherapy and was very hopeful that I would be able to keep my hair using a cold cap system. My aunt and uncle graciously paid for me to have that opportunity without taking on the financial burden, and it was so important to me that we at least give it a shot! Well we are just starting week four and I had lost about 70% of my hair, which if you know me is an INSANE amount of hair.

I followed every single rule, I even lightly combed it and loosely braided it everyday to help decrease how much was lost. Even with that this is what my typical morning looked like.

About this much hair .....

or this much hair .....

While also completely bald on the top and little hair left in the back. I told myself it’s ok can just keep going and we will see what happens. But I realized I didn’t want to keep going, having to deal with all the rules and losing so much hair was emotionally exhausting. Then to think to continue those rules for weeks post chemo - couldn’t stand the thought of it.

Summer is meant for snorkeling, diving, sweating, and laughing. I plan to do all of those things with no rules and bald.

I spent many times very distraught over my hairloss over the past month - I took my hair for granted my whole life - getting it thinned every other month - and spending most of it explaining to people how annoying it is to have so much freaking hair.

I love to be in control of situations. Today I took control of my hair, with Justin’s help! He spent almost two hours making me bald ❤️

Here’s how it looked!

Before the cut!

During the cut ... when we got it down to a 2ish. You can see how bald many spots already were once my hair wasn’t hiding it 🤣

We then had to move locations to finish up the fine tuning of me becoming bald. I told Justin don’t stop until I look like Joe Rogan!

This post in no way is meant to say you shouldn’t cold cap. If your heart is set on it you should most definitely do it! 2/3 of people who cold cap are able to keep 50% of their hair. If that makes your heart happy then you 100% should take the leap and try it out! There are many ways to cover up the spots that bald or ways to do your hair to be able to only have half and no one know. I know I had to try cold capping myself before I could be okay with shaving my head. If it didn’t work I figured I then at least knew I tried. For me personally, I now have one less thing to worry about in a time where I feel like my body is struggling so hard most days to just keep me moving. I have always secretly wondered what it was like to be bald, and now I’ll get to tell everyone I know! ❤

At church today we focused on JAMES 1:1-5 and its a great reminder to use trials and tribulations until God chooses to remove them.

Until next time - I’ll be wearing a LOT of sunscreen on my noggin !

Sami